My dear…

*if he is brave enough to suit up, we need to be brave enough to let him*

My Dear,

You didn’t know I was snapping this picture. You were doing your usual routine of kissing our son goodbye before leaving for work. This time, though, it felt different. It looked different. It was different.

You see, my love, we live in a time where your job is scary in every essence of the word. It’s scary for the situations you deal with daily, the places you walk into not knowing what it consists of, the calls you take without knowing the intentions of the person calling and while everyone is running away from something, you are running into it.

It’s scary for us too. Our goodbyes are more intentional, our hugs are longer and our prayers carry a different kind of weight.

We love you so much. Please come home to us…



I’m No Longer a Slave to Fear…

It’s been awhile… sorry. As we prep for our move I have been trying to keep the house in order with two little ones so we can hopefully sell it. As you can imagine, a 5 year old and a 20-month-old have been giving me a run for my money.

I have been a police wife for almost a decade now and I have learned a lot. I have learned that criminals are always innocent until proven guilty however when it comes to law enforcement using lethal force, they are guilty and will never be proven innocent in the eye of public opinion. The justice system can clear them from any wrong doing but it doesn’t matter; the police officer involved is pretty much done for, slaughtered by the narrative the media chooses to share.

I am all for Black Lives Matter but with that comes the fact that ALL lives matter. BLM has the potential and power to be an amazing movement. A movement that can literally change the United States of America. Not all of BLM is bad. I have seen videos where the police and members of the movement are coming together. That is what we need! We don’t need the rhetoric of elected officials to cause more divide, we need them to bring us all together. The weekend of July 4th resulted in 60 shootings. Yes, you read that right. 60. Where was the movement? Where were the protests and the marches? Where was the great Al Sharpton? No where. Why? Because it doesn’t fit the agenda to cause to divide, to drive hate, to separate us that took so long for us to unite.

We also know of the tragedies that have happened since July 4th. Dallas, Berrien County, Baton Rouge. My husband has gone to 3 of the funerals; the deputies in Berrien County and the Dallas officer that was from Michigan. Three. It’s three too many.

The burden he must feel when putting on his uniform breaks me to pieces. On one hand, he knows he has a target on his back. He knows that at any moment during a shift, he can be ambushed, shot, injured, killed. We say goodbye as though it is our last because lets face it, it could be. For the past week and a half, I’ve been consumed by fear. I can’t sleep at night. I can’t eat normally. I can’t function at times because of the fear that has taken control of my brain but I now choose to no longer be a slave to that fear. Am I fearful? Yes, but I cannot let it consume me. I need to be strong for our children. Being a cop is in his blood, it’s who he is and although I have been so angered by the events that are taking place in the great country, I have to let him suit up. He tries to shield me from things but I’ve been living this life too long with him that he cannot protect me from the ugliness of it.

Soon, I hope, we will all be united again. The media will always be a pot stirrer. They will always share partial videos without knowing the whole truth. They will continue to paint the picture that white police officers are hunting black communities which couldn’t be farther from the truth. My husband just left a city that was predominantly a black community. The opportunity for them to join the police force is wide open! They just have to apply but they don’t. Why are there more white cops in black neighborhoods? Because there aren’t enough black cops but it’s not for trying!

We need to change this country we are living in. I’m 33 and I can remember going out to play and my mom saying to come home when the street lights come on. That is not the way we live now for fear our children will be kidnapped for sex trafficking or other things. The life that we have lived in our time is going to be completely different for the next generation. I hope and pray that the next generation starts taking responsibility for their actions, they don’t expect free handouts, they work hard and earn things, they LOVE one another.

Anyway, enough rambling from me… I just want you to know that I am no longer a slave to fear.