I’m White

I’m white. There is no denying that fact.

Does that make me a better person? No.
Does it make me superior in any way, shape or form? No.
Am I privileged? Maybe… but only because I have worked hard for what I have.
Do people treat me better because I’m white? I would hope not.
Am I ashamed that I’m white? No.

I would hope that the content of my character would be why you treat me the way you do. People are divided. You hear more and more about whites vs blacks. We don’t want to bring up a criminals history but lets bring up a police officers. We hear that some university in California wants to bring segregated housing back. How is any of this helping? 10 years ago, there wasn’t an us vs them mentality. Why? Why now must it be that way? There is a video from the “Free Hug” guy going around trying to create change. Why can’t we all be like him? Why can’t we all stop the violence? I’m so frustrated. We are raising our children up in this culture where when we don’t like something, we riot. Our children are seeing this!!! When there was a brutal ambush on police in Dallas, were there riots? Was there protesting? Was there fighting or violence of any kind? No.
To be fair, since this is a racial injustice (so I’ve been told)… where are the riots in Chicago? I read an article yesterday that a 15 year old boy was found dead, badly burned in a trash can. Why are people not rioting for his life? He was 15. He had a whole life in front of him. Help me understand how black on black murder is ok? Help me understand why there isn’t an outcry for this boys life and all of the other lives that have been prematurely taken in Chicago. Help me understand people because I don’t. Instead, I try to explain to my child what this craziness is all about. Instead, I watch my husband suit up only to worry and pray for him hourly while he is at work. Did he do anything wrong? No but he surely has a target on his back.

What has happened to the great USA? Public figures are now boycotting the national anthem talking about how they are suffering. Please, tell me how your millions of fans and millions of dollars is causing you to suffer. Please tell me how, since you want change so bad, that you will use said platform and bank account to help change it. Help create change in Chicago. Help create a bridge between police and communities. Help create a great nation yet again. To have so many prominent figures continue to speak about how there is an us vs them mentality, creates more divide.

Help me understand how this is ok.

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Pending…

It’s been awhile. I’m sorry for that. Our life has been crazy and once it settles down, I anticipate this becoming a more regular thing for me. My husband took a different police job in June and we have been in the process of selling our current home and purchasing a new one, all while he commutes back and forth each day and while I have also started homeschooling our 5 year old while our 2 year old runs around all crazy. To say life has been hectic has been an understatement. I am no longer at my job which is just so hard for me. Oh so hard. I was the admin at our church but the admin position for me included way more than it probably should have. If you can name it when it involves church, I did it. The only thing I did not do is preach on Sunday but I have done everything else. It’s crazy to still attend every Sunday, seeing someone else do my job and all the people going to her for help. It’s so hard. I have come to realize that leaving our church should be hard… I get the feeling it means that we have been doing church right.

I really want to tell them the following…

“You guys are lucky. I don’t know if lucky is the word… more like blessed. I have served as your administrative assistant for 5.5 years, some of which was volunteer but most as paid staff. I have seen all the ins and outs of this church. I have gotten to know so many of you guys on so many levels. I am honored to have served as your admin for so long. I say you are lucky, or blessed, or whatever you want to call it because I know your pastors heart for each of you. Since I have started working here, I have been involved in many staff meetings and I can say there hasn’t been one staff meeting that Pastor’s phone has gone off a ga-gillion times. I can also say that if there was enough time in the day, that Rob’s heart for each and everyone here is big enough to call and check on you and where you are at in your walk with the Lord. He cares so much for you and I know that because I’ve been a witness to it. Is there enough time in the day for him to have one on one contact with everyone, no. There isn’t, but know behind the scenes, he prays for you all of the time.

B and I have moved around a lot… we’ve been involved in a lot of churches. From Port Huron to Lapeer; Sterling Heights to Ann Arbor; Saline to New Hudson; and from Bay City to Saginaw. We’ve left a lot of churches in our time but never has leaving a church hurt so bad, and felt so good. I say that because leaving a church, this church, is agonizing to me. Leaving should hurt but it feels good to know why it hurts. It’s the relationships I have with you guys. It’s not easy to just up and walk away from that and quite honestly, it shouldn’t be. I cannot go to my local Walmart and expect the cashier to tell me that my attitude stinks or that she can see Jesus working in my life. Would that be awesome if she did? Heck yes it would but I don’t expect it there where here I do. I have walked in this door on numerous occasions in a really dark place and almost immediately, I was cared for, I was tended to, I was prayed with. Some of you know, some of you don’t but a few days before Christmas in 2013, B and I lost a baby. Some people knew we were expecting, most didn’t. That was seriously a dark time for me and as much as Pastor Rob wanted to help me through it, he’s a guy and didn’t have a clue what to say. Who did I have? The ladies here… Saralyn, Dara, Heather. In the midst of questioning God and crying my eyes out, it was my relationships with the people here who got me through.

You may be wondering, ‘Well, that is nice Misty, however I don’t have those kinds of relationships with people at church’ and to that I say you can have those relationships. When I walked in the door here forever ago, I didn’t have relationships but I did do something that started those relationships. Wanna know what that was??? I SERVED. Yep, I started serving with helping out with office stuff, nursery, scheduling, etc. I got plugged in and BOOM, it was like a bomb went off… I started having deep relationships with people.”

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I dunno. I really want to express my heart to these people that they absolutely mean the world to me. I’m not very good with talking though so who knows. Maybe I’ll just sit there and cry all service long.

Either way, be praying for me folks. We are slated to close on BOTH houses on the same day with moving afterwards all while the hubby works, the children need tending to, dinner still will need to get made and lets not forget about the dog needing to be cared for. I’m a bucket of stress…