You’ve been really mean lately. You’ve been saying hurtful things and you have started to push those of us who are close away. I let you know that I was coming down this past Monday to visit and even told you that it wasn’t so I could check up on you. I wanted to get out of the house and let the kids see you and Auntie and Uncle. You were upset and told me that you are an adult and that you didn’t need to be checked up on. Ok – I got it. The next day, the kids and I made our way down. We told you we made it into town and you didn’t respond. I told you we were at Auntie’s house and you said you were going to eat a sandwich and come over. You never did. After 3 hours I had two options. I could either A) come over and force you to see us or B) leave town without you seeing your grandkids knowing that it was your choice to not want to see them. After some thought, I chose option A because no matter what state you are in, I wanted the kids to see you and B would have been really sad if he didn’t get the chance. We all loaded up in my car and headed to your house. Once there, the smell of it was rancid. I am not a smoker and as soon as I opened the door, it was a cloud of smoke. Auntie came with me and you ignored her. A few days prior, she made you angry and you have been taking it out on her which isn’t fair. We went down into your basement where there is absolutely nothing. A room that was once full of memories, items, a washer and dryer among other things was now barren with maybe 2 small pieces of wood. I asked where your washer and dryer were and you stated you got rid of them. I asked where you wash your clothes and you said the laundromat. There is nothing wrong with washing them there but your sister lives right down the road and you refuse to go there. You’ve thrown so many things away. Pictures of my childhood (including all of our yearly school pictures you used to keep in your fire safe for safe keeping), heirlooms from years past and even your mother’s Polish certificate you ripped up and threw away, only to dig out of the trash and try to tape it together. There literally is nothing left from my childhood or before.
Once we came back upstairs, you ignored her. You didn’t talk to her, you wouldn’t look at her and I could tell that it was crushing her. I told the kids after about a 5 minute visit that it was time to go because I didn’t want them to be around that. Your sister is always there for you. She has dropped things for you at the drop of a dime.
We went back to Auntie’s house where you said you were going to come. After 45 minutes, you actually showed up which I’m a little shocked about.
I’m sometimes lost with what to do with you. You are back on the “I’m not going to any more doctors” kick and the words “I’m done” are frequently said. I ordered your full chart from your old doctor and although I expected to see some of the stuff, I was amazed at how many prescriptions you have been given. I say amazed because after every appointment you have ever had, I would always ask you and you have always stated that you were given nothing to help. You hate taking pills so even the vitamin your new doctor wants you to take isn’t being taken. You constantly state you want to feel better but you refuse to take medication that could help because you don’t want to be a “pill-popper.” What am I to do? How am I to help if you won’t let me and you are shutting me out?
Even though I’m lost as to how to help you, I’m not going anywhere. I love you mom and we will get through this together. You don’t have to be afraid mom… I got you!